Here are my top five funniest, annoying, daft but maybe understandable questions and comments radio presenters often hear. I’ve included the responses we all feel like giving but rarely do:
Number One. My all-time favourite daft question. “When you go on holiday do they get someone else to sit in for you?” It is the word “do” that cracks me up. If it was “who” sits in for you then that is a perfectly reasonable question but the “do” is a classic and is asked far more than you’d think.
What I want to say: “No they don’t, they simply play solemn music and wait for me to get back.”
What I actually say: “Yes, it’s usually Steve who normally does Drivetime.”
Occasionally they will follow up with “So does someone fill in for Steve?” At this point I just walk away.
Number Two. My all-time most annoying, if well-meant comment: “Here’s something you really should be talking about on your show.”
What want to say: “Oh just sod off.”
What I actually say: “That sounds interesting, not quite the brief of Breakfast but I’m sure the afternoon show would love it. Here’s the presenter’s email, personal mobile number and home address.”
Number Three. From your manager: “We’ve had a complaint from the local MP about your questions and your tone in this morning’s interview. I’d like to listen back to it with you.”
What I want to say: “You heard it live, never said anything in the de-brief, so just go back to them and support me 100%.”
What I actually say: “You heard it live, never said anything in the de-brief, so just go back to them and support me 100%.”
I was lucky that for most of my time, I had managers who took the heat from complaints without even telling me. That’s how you should manage broadcasters if they get it right on air.
Number Four. This is the sweetest comment when listeners meet you for the first time and it can be very hard to know what to say: “You don’t look like you. Gosh, that’s not what I’d imagined. Are you sure it’s you?”
What I want to say: “Actually, it’s not me, he’s hired a body double for the evening. What were you expecting?”
What I actually say: “Ha, Ha, I bet it’s a bit disappointing, a face for radio, eh?” This would often be followed up with “I thought you’d have a beard and be a lot bigger, you sound fatter on air.” I’ll take that.
Number Five. I feel terrible sharing the last one but everything on this blog is %100 honest even if sometimes a little uncomfortable. Forgive me and my radio chums for what you are about to receive. Either at a public event or in the reception area of your radio station a kind, generous person of questionable hygiene thrusts a claggy, homemade cake into your hands and says, “this is for you.”
What I want to say: “That’s very kind but would you mind if I just check under your finger nails please?”
What I actually say: “That’s very kind, I’ll share this with the whole newsroom.”